What was the most interesting thing that happened to you this week?
That was the question we were to answer as we went around the table at a small family gathering that my husband and I attended this month. Our responses required some reflection and offered a snapshot of our lives on that day. Our conversation took on a more meaningful tone as we listened intently to what each person had to say.
As you spend time with family and friends during this holiday week, I challenge you to focus on actively connecting with loved ones. Express gratitude, share stories and traditions, be present in the moment and intentionally create space for meaningful conversations. In other words, prioritize the quality of time spent together over the activities themselves.
I like how business leader Kevin McKenize defined a meaningful conversation. He wrote that “a meaningful conversation is one where we start with the intent of getting a deeper understanding of what really matters to someone and why. It goes beyond what’s being said to getting at the values and beliefs that led to their perspective. It’s rooted in curiosity, empathy and a genuine desire to understand.”
Guidance to initiating meaningful conversation
Why is this important?
“When someone feels heard and understood, trust develops, and trust is the currency of all relationships,” McKenzie said.
If the idea seems challenging, here are some tips that can help you have a meaningful conversation with someone:
- Ask thoughtful questions: Instead of yes or no questions, ask questions that invite more in-depth responses.
- Listen actively: Try to understand the other person’s perspective and see the world through their eyes.
- Create a safe space: Make people feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and needs.
- Avoid distractions: Put away your phone and computer and choose a quiet space to talk.
- Don’t give unsolicited advice: Giving advice when it’s not asked for can lead to the other person becoming defensive and shutting down the conversation.
- Don’t make assumptions: Be open to learning from people who challenge your assumptions.
- Be vulnerable and share information about yourself. Consider sharing personal information first, to gain the other person’s trust.
- Adopt an attitude of curiosity and genuine interest in what the person is saying
Give these conversation starters a try
Here are some examples of conversation starters to help you get to know someone better:
- What was the last book you read, and would you recommend it?
- What’s your favorite holiday tradition?
- What is a trait you’ve been appreciating in a friend recently?
- What’s a piece of advice that has resonated with you this year?
- What’s something you want to learn how to do in the upcoming year?
- What song best represents your life?
In addition to focusing on our conversations, use the holidays as an opportunity to reflect on what is truly important in your life. Verbally acknowledge what you appreciate about family and friends.
It’s also a good time to pass down family stories. Sharing family stories strengthens family bonds by allowing members to reminisce about shared experiences, learn about their family history and connect with loved ones across the generations.
However you celebrate the holidays, I hope you can spend it with those you love, and don’t forget to tell them how much they mean to you.
Laurie Sidle is an Ohio State University Extension Family and Consumer Sciences and 4-H program assistant and may be reached at 330-264-8722 or sidle.31@osu.edu
CFAES provides research and related educational programs to clientele on a nondiscriminatory basis. For more information, visit cfaesdiversity.osu.edu
This article was previously published in The Daily Record.